Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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