I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
