his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
