When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
