I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
My feet surprised me
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
