I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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