Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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