I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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