i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Holy sore nipples Batman
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
