I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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