In the future we'll all be gay
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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