My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
