im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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