You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize