when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
