I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
