I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
