"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
