I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
