YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
