she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize