i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
