well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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