: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
