So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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