I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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