Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
