We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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