do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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