I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize