I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
