Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
