The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
