I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
