Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
