These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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