Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
