Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
