so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
