i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
