What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
be right there i have to get my cape
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
