Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
i think my cat just said my name.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
