My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
