Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
