I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
