Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
