There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I have feelings that need drinking.
sex in a hospital.. check
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
