Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
