My pussy is not your playground.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize