someone get that fucking seahorse.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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