I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
he shaved USA in his pubs
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
