i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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