The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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