Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize