If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
