youre lurking in front of me
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
