Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
