More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
