Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
