I showed him my bush... on skype.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
