I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
