is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
