No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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