The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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