Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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