If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
