R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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