No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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