People with herpes should wear stickers.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
