i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
