Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
