So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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