thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
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