**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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