So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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