i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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