Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Screwed.edu
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I intend to get homeless drunk
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
