You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
