dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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