I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
