Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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