Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
