wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
