I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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