No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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