Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
