I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
