He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
