We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize