you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
