I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The power of my boobs compel you
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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