guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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