she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
