Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
