I'm going to jail i love you
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I believe in your delicious
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
