one word: firstdatebathroomanal
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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