i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
