i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
