Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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