I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
