So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
