I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
