she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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