I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
this will be a night to untag.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
