I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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