if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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