Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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