soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
