Im at strip club and am horny
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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