i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
