Duck Duck Cougar?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
