That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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